Me Time

I came across this draft while writing some other blog posts.  This is from January, 2013 so it's kind of old, but worth posting anyway, in case anyone else has felt or feels like this.

I think one of the biggest challenges that I am facing in my current state as a stay-at-home mom of a 16 month old is taking and using "me time".  It's not like there is no opportunity for me to take a breather and do something for myself.  I know that Trip loves taking Kaila on Saturdays for some quality Daddy-Daughter time.  I know that Grandy and Gramps, or Granny and Grandpa Sanders would be more than happy to spend some time watching and playing with their Bean.  I can even take advantage of her ridiculously early bedtime and spend an evening out or at home doing whatever I want to do.  The problem isn't so much that I have a child or need more help or support.  The problem is me.

Even when I know I am in need of a break, I have such a long list of things to do that I have a hard time not working on them.  And then, when I decide to take some time off I sometimes feel guilty or lazy for doing so.  Like I am not living up to my expectations.  I know this is ridiculous and self-imposed, but part of the problem stems from my inherent laziness.  In my past life (childless and unmarried) I was able to procrastinate, justify, and excuse my way out of anything like a pro.  Eventually, I learned to recognize this weakness (thanks to an outstanding Positive Psychology class, and a husband who helps me to improve myself).  I have worked hard to overcome it, but the problem is finding a good balance.  I am so paranoid about falling back into old habits and ways that I don't feel like I can cut myself any slack.  But not taking time out for myself is also detrimental.  I have got to learn where to draw the line.  I have to start taking time out, just for myself, and not feel bad about it.  I have to figure this out so that my life can be better and even more fulfilling.  So that I can be an even better person.
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It's been 3 months since I first wrote all of that.  I am happy to say that I have found a much better balance since that time.  I also have stopped demanding so much of myself.  Some days are super productive, and some aren't.  It's just the way it goes.  Sometimes I still feel overwhelmed by the never ending "to-do" list, but I just take it an item at a time and I manage to stay afloat.  It does help that Kaila's naps have become predictable and stable again.  And that her bedtime and wake up times are also much more normal and stable now too :)